The last few weeks have been a roller coaster ride. I have yet again been actively involved in my own circle and mission to recognise my gift and practise it .I organised events created to give recognition to hardworking students, saying goodbye to our matric class of 2014 , hosting the Ceo of the Empowervate Trust, Amanda Blankfield -Koseff at our school where we recieved our prizes from UTi SA, Deutche Bank to the value of R10000 for being The 2014 National YCAP champions and further created awareness about rape on the eve of ,the 16 days of activism against women and child abuse .All these events reinstored great confidence in my learners. The vision was that of mine and I was really happy to see that it was appreciated . Seeing the gratitude in the eyes of these learnes had yet reassured me that my purpose in life is greater then all.
After I pull of such ,I get home totally exhausted.Make a call to my best friend who congratulates me ,social networks start trending about my work, flattery being the order of each thought. All seeming really fullfiling. As I am in bed,another idea pops up and yes,it is in the midst of the early morning that I wake up,get my notebook and start drafting ideas and the logistics for the next day. The element of doubt usually creeps in as I lay my heavy loaded head,but with good energy from people I always know all will work out. I leave home,my mom ensuring my outfit is sorted and well ironed. Not saying a word,as she never does. I had always wondered if she is really proud of who I am. Or does she question her capacity as a mother because I am gay. Well I don’t pay much attention to such as she continues to be there for me.
She has always been there for me ,all the way. I remember doing good and her just questioning me about who was there and what whoever said,but never fully auding” I am proud of you my son.” Would I accept that it is in the African culture that our parents do not praise us in person.
As I am sitting here,I am thinking about this women who gave birth to me,and the pioneer that she is in her old field . I remember how she often looks at me with a face of worry,coated with excitement everytime I leave, more like she echoes to herself” My son is out to go do great things”. I see this women she blesses me with a cup of tea after a long day as if its her job to do so,clearly silently showing support. I see this women backing me up financialy in all my endeavours , regardless if these ideas cultivate any purpose or profit. Her support cuts so deep it numbs me at times.
Is it the duty of a mother to be so consistent ,yet so silently? Remotely expressing pride. Is it the duty of a mother to show so much love in a way not understood by the ignorant but grasped by the heart.?
I am good at many things ,but there is one that I lack: The gratitude that I cannot express. I don’t know if a thank you is enough. A bigger house is enough or a simple,” I love you mom would move her.
I guess I am coming up with the notion that I have to continue being the best that I can possibly be and that is the hope any parent has for their child.
This is dedicated to one phenomenal women,
Joyce Kgatlhane. Thanks mom.
Tsepo Kgatlhane 